Steady Moments
by SunReyes
Summary: I know he’s trying to reconcile with his wife, but this feels so right. How can what feels right be so wrong?" Post-Revelations


Title: Steady Moments  
  
Author: SunReyes sunreyes01@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-sexual references  
  
Category: J/S  
  
Summary: I know he's trying to reconcile with his wife, but this feels so right. How can what feels right be so wrong? Post-Revelations  
  
You say you have faith in me. How can you? After everything that's happened, would you still be there by my side?  
  
My finger runs against the metal band of his wedding ring; the ties that bind us, and break us. He offers to walk me out and I accept his proposal, standing up, our bodies brushing against one another.  
  
Jack's hand brushes against my back as I feel the familiar warmth radiate through my skin, the tingling sensation teasing my body. Within an instant he drops his hand and slides them both into his pockets, trying to remain friendly yet professional.  
  
Our closeness in proximity reminds me of the long nights we spent on cases, our tiresome efforts rewarded only when the time was right. What I wouldn't give to take it all back and do it again differently. I wouldn't change a moment I spent with Jack. Instead I'd add a moment here and there, letting him know my true emotions and not the side I show most people.  
  
"Here we are" Jack states dutifully. My eyes stare at my car, I don't want to go home. I don't want to be in the confines of my own place, alone. I want company, I need company and most of all I need Jack.  
  
Jack tugs on my arm, pulling me to look at him. His fingers remain fixed against my sleeve, causing my stomach to knot. He still has the same effect on me.  
  
"I should." I know I should leave but I don't want to. I want to see his comforting embrace, his warm touch, his soft caress. Oh how I miss the feeling of his skin against mine. It seems like an eternity since I felt him within me. "You really haven't lost faith in me?" I question.  
  
"Of course not Samantha. What makes you think that?"  
  
His hand never moves, instead his grip grows stronger, a bond between us as he tries to strengthen my own courage and reassure me.  
  
"It's stupid" I shake my head with a dismissive laugh trying to shield my face from him. I don't want him to see the pain in my eyes and the ache in my heart.  
  
"You never hide anything from me" he points out. He's right and for once I actually hate him for it. Truth is I don't hate him, maybe I'm just angry with myself.  
  
"You're back with your wife" I remind him, the curse put upon both of us.  
  
"What does that have to do with you talking to me? We're friends, right?"  
  
My stomach tenses at the thought of only being friends with this man. I want to be more then that with him. "You went back to Marie the same night of the hostage crisis" I remind him. "You think that helped my self- esteem?" I laugh at the irony and selfishness of my words. "I told you it was stupid."  
  
His arm that holds me close and yet at a distance pulls me against him for a hug. I know he's trying to reconcile with his wife, but this feels so right. How can what feels right be so wrong?  
  
I take comfort in his touch, my head tucked softly against his warm chest. The rapid beating of his heart only reminds me more of our first time together. The rhythm of our bodies connected as one and as my hand danced along his chest then, I knew I was hooked to this addictive drug.  
  
"We'll get through this" he reassures me, his arms completely enveloping me, as his hand softly circles my back. What I wouldn't give to take him to my home tonight and erase all memories of pain. What I wouldn't do to take him in my arms and make love to him.  
  
I laugh softly against his chest at his words. "We'll?" I question, glancing up into his eyes. "It's not your problem, it's mine."  
  
"When has that ever been the case?" Jack questions. He pulls me slightly back from him. Far enough away to look into my eyes and see the heartache I'm filled with. He pushes the sweaty hair away from my face, longing into my eyes. "You know if I could do anything I would."  
  
I laugh at his words. He could leave her for me. Of course that's not Jack's style. I knew that getting into the relationship. I didn't know how much emotion we would have exchange though. How many feels we shared between us.  
  
"Samantha" his words ring in my ear, his name on my lips. My eyes move to his mouth. I so desperately want to reach up and brush my lips to his, tasting his mouth. He's made it clear that it's over though, and I respect his decision, even if I don't agree with it.  
  
I feel Jack's thumb against my cheek. I haven't even realized the tears I've shed but I know the reason why. I'll be going home alone tonight, and Jack will have his wife and children to attend to.  
  
"You know it's not easy for me either." Jack tells me.  
  
"What? Going back to your family? At least you have a family" I remind him. "What do I have?"  
  
"Stop it" his eyes watch mine as I roll my eyes to look away from him. How can his life be that difficult? He's got two children and a wife who he obviously still loves. If he didn't he wouldn't be doing this to me.  
  
"Do you have any idea what it's like to go home at night and cry yourself to sleep Jack?" I'm not proud of the fact, but he needs to know I still love him. He needs to know because if there's any chance he still wants me, any chance he stills needs me, I'm there.  
  
"I think I do" he whispers out. His hand moves to my hair, running his fingers through the long tresses. "My wife hasn't been exactly accepting of me either. When I go home at night, she spends hours making accusations for me working late. In the end, I'm always sentenced to the couch."  
  
"Then why are you with her?" I question.  
  
"She's my wife."  
  
"Bullshit Jack. It's your kids and we both know it. What are you going to do when they both grow up and go to college? Are you still going to be trying to win your wife's heart over? What if she doesn't forgive you?"  
  
Jack lets out a breath, "I don't know" he tells me shrugging. "I've been trying to take this one day at a time."  
  
"So you'd stay with her, even if you were miserable, all the while giving up on someone who truly loves and cares about you?"  
  
"Samantha" Jack's voice is pleading for me to stop. He hides his pain well, but I can't. I can't forget what we had because he has children and a wife. A wife who barely sees him and when she does she only makes him feel guilty for what he does at work.  
  
I slip my keys from my pocket, feeling the cold metal in my hands. "I should go" I whisper out, fingering for the right key as I step over to unlock the door.  
  
"I'm sorry" he tells me, "I have to try and works things out with Marie, even in the end if all else fails, at least I gave it my best shot."  
  
"I know" I sigh out, opening the car door and taking a seat. His body leans against the doorframe as he watches me.  
  
"That doesn't mean I care any less for you, or trust you any less" he reminds me.  
  
"Thanks" I whisper out with a half-smile on my lips. I feel my stomach tighten at having to say goodbye. Usually this is the part where he'd follow me home and stay until early morning. Instead he shuts the door behind me, and I fasten my seatbelt letting out a soft breath. I start the ignition, holding back the remaining tinge of pain until I've left the parking garage.  
  
Only now do I allow all my emotions to break free and the current to carry me home. 


End file.
